"Let choice whisper in your ear and love murmur in your heart. Be ready. Here comes life.”
—Maya Angelou
—Maya Angelou
Baby Joan's Birth Story
It feels remiss to not mention the gratitude I have for my care providers, all of them at The Midwives of New Jersey, but especially Rushea, Lisa, and Jackie who stood by me in my last two births. (And Karen Jefferson and Martine Jean-Baptiste in 2015!) I am lucky to have had 3 uncomplicated and healthy births. I didn't earn them. They are just parts of my story.
It was merely ceremonial but when I woke up on my due date still pregnant I actually felt a huge release. A relief. I’m not having an early baby and that’s ok. Everyone kept saying my third surely wouldn’t be as late as my others. I kept getting the well wish texts, “No baby?” “How are you feeling?” So when March 5th came, I could relax. I’m not having an early baby. But I will have a baby at some point in 2 weeks time. Those final weeks of pregnancy are a total mind warp. Anticipating arguably one of the biggest events of your life while time stands still and everything but nothing changes.
Kyle and I agreed that he would go to this film festival in Brooklyn later that night. I told him to check his phone periodically and I would call if anything seemed brewing. But in general, I wasn’t worried. I made stir fry for dinner. Made my daughter’s lunch for the next day. Bath time as usual. Laid with my son til he finally dozed off.
March 5th, 2023
10pm:
Kyle texted asking how things were going. I said “Eh, I’m a little crampy but that’s nothing new.”
He asked, “Is it the real deal?”
I replied, “Nah, just usual evening rumbles.”
No more than 5 minutes later, I went to the bathroom. For those unfamiliar with birth, the bloody show is exactly what it sounds like. Blood from bursted capillaries as the cervix undergoes the beginnings of dilation. In my other 2 labors, this meant contractions were imminent. But google told me it could still be 24-48 hours away. I called Kyle right away, “Ohhhhhk. Don’t rush, drive safe and all, but I think labor is actually starting. Real deal.”
“How are you feeling? Anxious? Nervous? Scared?” He asked.
I bit my lip,”I’m excited.” I confessed in a whisper.
I knew I needed sleep if labor was imminent but how in the heck could I sleep? I’m going to meet my baby! And probably soon! For me, the two most exciting moments about pregnancy are the first positive test and the first contraction. They both bridge one chapter to another. In the final weeks, I had spent hours wondering/day dreaming/worrying about when labor would begin and how the birth would unfold. It was finally here - on my due date no less. Thoughts crept into my mind about my fears, what if things go sideways? What if things go wrong?
11pm:
I poured a glass of wine, per the midwives orders. The only time I drink in pregnancy is in labor when I know I need to sleep. I put on The Real Housewives of New Jersey because I needed the most empty distraction. Kyle got home, busting through door. My 2 year old son had found his way into my bed by now, which was the whole point of not having a home birth this time. So I could labor without the tentacles of my toddler. But he was so sweet, I couldn’t refuse him. Contractions were still really mild.
Once the excitement wore off, I tried to sleep. Contractions were getting closer and stronger but still really manageable.
March 6th, 2023
2am:
I felt like it was time to call the midwives. The on call midwife ultimately said they were still a bit irregular and we needed to wait. She begged me to get some rest. Things continued to progress, but I didn’t feel like I was close to transition.
It took me 3 births to “get” labor. This was the first birth I felt truly connected and in a partnership with my body and baby. When a contraction would come, I let it wash over me, trying my best to not fight it. I would see how far I could get into the contraction before reacting to it. By doing that, the contraction would be nearly at peak and halfway done by the time I was breathing/moaning/swearing through it. I think in my previous labors, I just white knuckled my way through. This time I was fully present, but dialed in. In my body and not my head.
As things started to heat up, I needed to get in the shower to manage the pain.
3:30am:
The shower was instant relief. Water has always been immensely helpful to me in labor. I let the water roll down me. For a split second, I wondered why I hadn’t just planned a home birth again.
4:15am:
Transition hit like a Mac truck. All it took was one contraction that surged through me so hard, I knew we needed to leave the house asap. I felt her (but I didn’t know it was a her at the time) progress down. “We need to leave NOW.” I declared.
Kyle, hesitant, asked, “Should we wait for one or two more contractions?”
I bellowed, “No! NOW.”
I had 2 contractions during the - what felt like - epic and ambitious journey into the car. During the first one in the living room, Kyle started to leave to “go warm up” the car. I shouted, “No time! No time for that!”
4:30am:
We laid down the shower curtain on the seat and I plopped my enormous laboring body on the crunchy plastic. Once we started moving, the stupid seatbelt alarm started going off and through various swear words and fumbling I managed to buckle it.
Having had 2 previous home births, the car ride to the birth center was a big source of anxiety for me while pregnant. “How the hell do you labor in the car??” I asked one of the midwives at a checkup appointment. “On all fours in the backseat,” she bantered.
I can confirm the car ride was every bit as tortuous as I had feared. I kept hearing the GPS say stupid things like, “8 miles til the next exit.” 8 miles?? 8 more fucking miles?!? In my other labors, I honestly never considered an epidural. Like I said, water always helped greatly. As did being at home, where frankly, medication wasn’t an option so I didn’t even go there in my mind.
But during that car ride I thought, “Drugs. I need drugs.” That's how uncomfortable it was.
4:55am:
Then I felt a pop and rush of fluid. “My water just broke,” I mumbled.
Kyle replied, “Well we’re 6 minutes away. So we are very close.”
Then, I felt it. The urge to push. No, no, no, no. Not here. Not now. I suppressed it.
It feels remiss to not mention the gratitude I have for my care providers, all of them at The Midwives of New Jersey, but especially Rushea, Lisa, and Jackie who stood by me in my last two births. (And Karen Jefferson and Martine Jean-Baptiste in 2015!) I am lucky to have had 3 uncomplicated and healthy births. I didn't earn them. They are just parts of my story.
It was merely ceremonial but when I woke up on my due date still pregnant I actually felt a huge release. A relief. I’m not having an early baby and that’s ok. Everyone kept saying my third surely wouldn’t be as late as my others. I kept getting the well wish texts, “No baby?” “How are you feeling?” So when March 5th came, I could relax. I’m not having an early baby. But I will have a baby at some point in 2 weeks time. Those final weeks of pregnancy are a total mind warp. Anticipating arguably one of the biggest events of your life while time stands still and everything but nothing changes.
Kyle and I agreed that he would go to this film festival in Brooklyn later that night. I told him to check his phone periodically and I would call if anything seemed brewing. But in general, I wasn’t worried. I made stir fry for dinner. Made my daughter’s lunch for the next day. Bath time as usual. Laid with my son til he finally dozed off.
March 5th, 2023
10pm:
Kyle texted asking how things were going. I said “Eh, I’m a little crampy but that’s nothing new.”
He asked, “Is it the real deal?”
I replied, “Nah, just usual evening rumbles.”
No more than 5 minutes later, I went to the bathroom. For those unfamiliar with birth, the bloody show is exactly what it sounds like. Blood from bursted capillaries as the cervix undergoes the beginnings of dilation. In my other 2 labors, this meant contractions were imminent. But google told me it could still be 24-48 hours away. I called Kyle right away, “Ohhhhhk. Don’t rush, drive safe and all, but I think labor is actually starting. Real deal.”
“How are you feeling? Anxious? Nervous? Scared?” He asked.
I bit my lip,”I’m excited.” I confessed in a whisper.
I knew I needed sleep if labor was imminent but how in the heck could I sleep? I’m going to meet my baby! And probably soon! For me, the two most exciting moments about pregnancy are the first positive test and the first contraction. They both bridge one chapter to another. In the final weeks, I had spent hours wondering/day dreaming/worrying about when labor would begin and how the birth would unfold. It was finally here - on my due date no less. Thoughts crept into my mind about my fears, what if things go sideways? What if things go wrong?
11pm:
I poured a glass of wine, per the midwives orders. The only time I drink in pregnancy is in labor when I know I need to sleep. I put on The Real Housewives of New Jersey because I needed the most empty distraction. Kyle got home, busting through door. My 2 year old son had found his way into my bed by now, which was the whole point of not having a home birth this time. So I could labor without the tentacles of my toddler. But he was so sweet, I couldn’t refuse him. Contractions were still really mild.
Once the excitement wore off, I tried to sleep. Contractions were getting closer and stronger but still really manageable.
March 6th, 2023
2am:
I felt like it was time to call the midwives. The on call midwife ultimately said they were still a bit irregular and we needed to wait. She begged me to get some rest. Things continued to progress, but I didn’t feel like I was close to transition.
It took me 3 births to “get” labor. This was the first birth I felt truly connected and in a partnership with my body and baby. When a contraction would come, I let it wash over me, trying my best to not fight it. I would see how far I could get into the contraction before reacting to it. By doing that, the contraction would be nearly at peak and halfway done by the time I was breathing/moaning/swearing through it. I think in my previous labors, I just white knuckled my way through. This time I was fully present, but dialed in. In my body and not my head.
As things started to heat up, I needed to get in the shower to manage the pain.
3:30am:
The shower was instant relief. Water has always been immensely helpful to me in labor. I let the water roll down me. For a split second, I wondered why I hadn’t just planned a home birth again.
4:15am:
Transition hit like a Mac truck. All it took was one contraction that surged through me so hard, I knew we needed to leave the house asap. I felt her (but I didn’t know it was a her at the time) progress down. “We need to leave NOW.” I declared.
Kyle, hesitant, asked, “Should we wait for one or two more contractions?”
I bellowed, “No! NOW.”
I had 2 contractions during the - what felt like - epic and ambitious journey into the car. During the first one in the living room, Kyle started to leave to “go warm up” the car. I shouted, “No time! No time for that!”
4:30am:
We laid down the shower curtain on the seat and I plopped my enormous laboring body on the crunchy plastic. Once we started moving, the stupid seatbelt alarm started going off and through various swear words and fumbling I managed to buckle it.
Having had 2 previous home births, the car ride to the birth center was a big source of anxiety for me while pregnant. “How the hell do you labor in the car??” I asked one of the midwives at a checkup appointment. “On all fours in the backseat,” she bantered.
I can confirm the car ride was every bit as tortuous as I had feared. I kept hearing the GPS say stupid things like, “8 miles til the next exit.” 8 miles?? 8 more fucking miles?!? In my other labors, I honestly never considered an epidural. Like I said, water always helped greatly. As did being at home, where frankly, medication wasn’t an option so I didn’t even go there in my mind.
But during that car ride I thought, “Drugs. I need drugs.” That's how uncomfortable it was.
4:55am:
Then I felt a pop and rush of fluid. “My water just broke,” I mumbled.
Kyle replied, “Well we’re 6 minutes away. So we are very close.”
Then, I felt it. The urge to push. No, no, no, no. Not here. Not now. I suppressed it.
5:00am:
We arrived at the birth center. Cheerfully, the assistant greeted me. “Ok, we’re going to have you use the bathroom and we’ll do an internal check to see how progressed you are.” I half heartedly pretended that I was going to follow this direction.
Rushea, the midwife must have heard my screams from down the hall because she came dashing in, snapping on her gloves. “You're pushing! This baby is coming now! Don’t have this baby on the toilet!” She exclaimed.
5:12am:
We got into the birthing room where they had, thankfully, been filling the tub for me. It looked like heaven. Sweet, sweet heaven. The second my body hit the water, I gave it permission to let go. And without even my own effort, little baby Joan flew out.
We arrived at the birth center. Cheerfully, the assistant greeted me. “Ok, we’re going to have you use the bathroom and we’ll do an internal check to see how progressed you are.” I half heartedly pretended that I was going to follow this direction.
Rushea, the midwife must have heard my screams from down the hall because she came dashing in, snapping on her gloves. “You're pushing! This baby is coming now! Don’t have this baby on the toilet!” She exclaimed.
5:12am:
We got into the birthing room where they had, thankfully, been filling the tub for me. It looked like heaven. Sweet, sweet heaven. The second my body hit the water, I gave it permission to let go. And without even my own effort, little baby Joan flew out.
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5:15am:
Birth.
In my other births, I pushed for multiple hours. Meeting my baby felt like a much deserved reunion. This time, I was truly in shock. It was like my brain hadn’t caught up with my body. After a few moments, I asked, “Is it a girl or boy?” The midwife replied, “You tell us!” I looked down and exclaimed, “Another baby girl!” I had a hunch it was a girl. She was, by far, the most Asian looking baby I have made.
I climbed into the big king bed with Kyle and our new daughter and then we took a giant and well earned nap.
9:30am:
We were loaded in the car leaving the birth center and I burst into tears, unable to really pinpoint where the tears were coming from. (Hormones are suspected.) Relief, of course, that everyone was healthy. Shock that not even 12 hours ago, I was making school lunches. Joy that I have a new baby girl.
I was home by 10am, welcomed with a big pancake breakfast and happy, bouncy, delighted kids. I slipped right into bed for my 48 hour bedrest feeling so incredibly grateful.
Birth.
In my other births, I pushed for multiple hours. Meeting my baby felt like a much deserved reunion. This time, I was truly in shock. It was like my brain hadn’t caught up with my body. After a few moments, I asked, “Is it a girl or boy?” The midwife replied, “You tell us!” I looked down and exclaimed, “Another baby girl!” I had a hunch it was a girl. She was, by far, the most Asian looking baby I have made.
I climbed into the big king bed with Kyle and our new daughter and then we took a giant and well earned nap.
9:30am:
We were loaded in the car leaving the birth center and I burst into tears, unable to really pinpoint where the tears were coming from. (Hormones are suspected.) Relief, of course, that everyone was healthy. Shock that not even 12 hours ago, I was making school lunches. Joy that I have a new baby girl.
I was home by 10am, welcomed with a big pancake breakfast and happy, bouncy, delighted kids. I slipped right into bed for my 48 hour bedrest feeling so incredibly grateful.
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Next stop, postpartum.
I now have three kids, what?!?
Joan Rebecca Moriarty
Namesake saint, Joan of Arc patroness of soldiers and fighter for faith.
Rebecca after my maternal grandmother, lover of words and defender of women.
I now have three kids, what?!?
Joan Rebecca Moriarty
Namesake saint, Joan of Arc patroness of soldiers and fighter for faith.
Rebecca after my maternal grandmother, lover of words and defender of women.